8 May

I went home secretly and turned up at a bar. I saw R, and we hugged for ages and it was all exciting to see him again, and then I looked around and saw M. He was DJing behind the decks, hair everywhere and white shirt on and I went over to tell him to come and play in London and he smiled at me and his teeth were all gappy and had diamonds in them. I turned back to R and said 'Lets go see C, can we? Can we?!' And he said yes but he had to let his girlfriend know as she was just standing there watching and not saying anything.

4 May

J went to NZ and I was there at Mum and Dad's. He went for a run with my dad and then I showed him C or M's record - but it was visual as he/they were playing. He/they thought he/they were Jimmi Hendrix and looked like he had 12 fingers. Then J hopped on his houseboat and we were back in England. I was walking along a path to meet him somewhere in the country - wherever he was driving his houseboat to.

30 April

T and I were standing in a garage type thing with bookshelves and I saw a mouse on the shelf and he couldn't see it so I pointed at it. All of a sudden it took a flying leap at me – right at my face – and then I couldn't see where it went because it didn't hit me. Then I turned around and we saw it sitting on the carpet. Little fat mouse.

We were then at a horse show with the rest of the family. It was raining and we were sitting in the grandstand watching showjumping. I had to beat this girl on a black horse. I was on a grey one for Novice Championship. I won and Dad was telling Grandma that AW said I was going to be great one day and she started crying cos she wouldn’t be around to see. T was just silent and watching.

J told me this man had a pool so I went to visit it and saw it was a half pool which turned into the sea and it was a bit rough that day. I saw a mother and her daughter in her twenties coming around the rocks at the end so I helped them (they had just arrived off a plane) and took them inside then back down to the pool/sea for pizza. There were two and the daughter took a slice and I said to her 'why did you choose the Kiwi pizza? You've just come from there!'

Then later I was in a forest and a man told me Chris Martin lived there but all I could see were trees. He pointed up to this tree that looked all windswept and I saw all these journalists and photographers stepping down the trunk coming from a press conference up there. Then Chris came down and said 'hi T, come on up' and I went up to his tree house. He showed me the walls (just bits of wood) that had pen scribbles on them like some bad drawer had tried to do and said he had had a designer do it. And then he took me out back to his deck in the canopy where we drank in the sun amongst branches and leaves and he hit on me and I giggled.

9 April 06

T and I had a baby. It was a baby gorilla though, and we took it swimming in Virginia Lake. Then I was looking after G's baby and it didn't want to come to the David Bowie concert so I left it outside. It nearly died of pneumonia so I graciously went to visit it in hospital where it had grown to 3-year-old size and it's middle name was Fiona. She said to me 'Don't worry, I told you I didn't want to go in there. I've just got frozen blue toes still that's all'. I looked down and she had really long blue toes and toenails.

March 06

the camera is following this man running down a tree-lined road and it's really close to him, only showing parts of him as he's sprinting away from something and looking back occasionally. then the camera lets him get ahead a little bit so we can see all of him in juxtaposition with the trees and we see he is really really tiny, like a few centimeters high, and this big maple leaf comes drifting along and bowls him over

March 06

T and I were together, all cool as we used to be and we were in the car going to see my parents... and then he said something meaning that he actually didn't love me, that we were just sleeping together. And I was like 'WHAAT?! ! You always tell me you love me and I all this time I believed you!!'

Feb 06

Chris came to visit me last night. He looked the same as when I last saw him one Xmas. He was smiling that goofy grin. I saw James too.

Feb 06

T and I got engaged so we could both stay in the country so I rushed around to find a lady from Vietnam to make me a dress and then I couldn't decide what I wanted for the next day so we decided to go to a registry office and then have a big party with all our friends when we went home.

late jan 06

I got cancer. I found out because my mum was secretly planning some ‘T memorial' award for some horse show thing and I saw it and said 'I’m not dying am I?' and then she admitted I had 2-3 months to live. So I went about trying to find the best way to tell people - I gave my sister a comic book where the character gets cancer. And I tried to figure out how I wanted to say goodbye to everybody and what I wanted to say to each person. I think it was lung cancer because I remember thinking I had given up smoking but not soon enough.

jan 06

I was on a house boat with J... but it was more like a mansion floating on this blue lagoon. and M and B were staying and A and G came up from Dunners. A looked the same but G had grown about 6 ft and was real thin which looked strange. But A and G took a boat out to one of the islands to party all night, not sure what M and B did, but J and I talked under the stars.

24/10/05

I walked into the staffroom and found the G’s had just got married and were talking in hushed tones. D and J were standing either side with a couple more people. When they saw me D goes ‘T you look beautiful!’ and I looked down and I’m wearing a wedding dress (to their wedding) and I got embarrassed and ran off. Then later I was talking to Ju who said that was when she was talking to them right after they’d got married and they’d decided to separate because they ‘weren’t communicating’. Then I found out J and W were sleeping together and I realised I secretly liked J.

23/10/05

It was my leaving party but everyone was in ball dresses and tux’s and there was a room for dressing up and mikey havoc was on grand piano and belting out songs in a tux. Some people were getting sashes for silly things like best hair do etc and at the end of the night all money went to the hospital.

4/10/05

I was at my hens party with my school friends.... then I had to duck out to my other hens party with my other friends and it was heaps more fun and stayed a bit long, got drunk, ran into A and took a bit longer, stumbled back to the other party in the dark and everyone was shitty with me! I was asking L and C why and she was saying cos I’d not drunk anything there and taken ages at the other place. And she had bought me back a pair of shoes from USA, the best looking pair was jandies with mesh netting over them to half way up to my knees.

29/09/05

S bought her baby in, I picked it up, weighed a tonne and I nearly dropped it. Then held it over my shoulder and it spewed down my back.

28/09/05

Che Fu texted D and wanted to ‘hook up’ for a wee bit more than one could consider appropriate for a man with kid and partner. Then I was at a gallery with D and she sold a painting of hers and got real good money for it, and all mine sold (cheaply) apart from the horse one, but it had a stuck-on clown face on it (with felt mouth and eyes, and pom pom for a nose) and I thought ‘oh sweet, they’ve all sold apart from my sh*t clown one’ and then I thought ‘waaaait a minute...! I never did a clown one!’ Someone had stuck a face on my horse one.
L had come home with a new girlfriend from Ireland, TV journalist, kept talking about all the awards she had won. We were in kai Iwi, I had a dog, and I kept going, ‘cool, great, wow’ and not even caring. Then I met her lying on a couch inside, tiny, blonde bob, ordinary. Then I bailed L up outside for why he just never replied or wanted anything to do with me when I treated him the same as all my friends. I asked what did he expect?

late 09/05

T and I were in Sydney and it was time to get on the plane and i was hysterical and crying and couldn't leave him, and missed my flight to Bangkok and ended up in a puddle of tears on the floor by his feet.

09/05

T and I were in the car, following this caterpillar which was about waist-height around a round about (the wrong way). He had a hat on, and shoes on each foot, and as he went round it he kicked out all his feet on the right side and went "Owwwww!" like Michael Jackson. T cracked up because he thought it was funny but I didn't because I thought he was showing off.

6/5/05

I was trying to find Scribe and had a vision he was living in a cave. Took a while but I finally found him in one of the caves and when I chatted to him he talked like Ali G. But the reason I had to find him was that he had heaps of cocaine. And when I got there he had shit loads of little bags of it – all overflowing and looking like clear sugar crystals so I kept dipping my fingers in and licking it all off like some bear in a honey pot. And then friends S and L came along and we all put it in our coffees and got wasted.

06/03/05

I was in The Amazing Race or something with my sis and us and another couple were at this motel at night and we had to jump in a cab but there weren’t any – they kept driving away or turning into normal cars. Then we found one at a servo and M was there and this woman was driving us and she was crazy and we kept going past the servo we came from and then she started going really fast and I freaked out and she wouldn’t slow down so I pulled the handbrake on which didn’t do much and she kept driving and took us to this haunted house which was a witch’s house and I asked her whose house it was and she said ‘mine’.

25/02/04

I was sitting on a picnic table with T, M and R and R’s brother on Victoria st, down from the mill. R’s brother was the funniest ever – like M/L funny – and we were all going out for dinner when I saw one horse run down the road with a halter on – it’d escaped from the a&p show. Then I saw another a while later and then another, so I thought I better rescue them before they got hit by a truck or something when suddenly they all ended up together and ran down an alleyway into this grassy enclosure. Underneath the grass was a donkey standing in a swimming pool with no water. Then I couldn’t find the horses and when I went into a covered section like a stable a huge pig ran out when I opened the gate and there was a beautiful palomino pony and a girl… they were competing at the a&p show too and the pony was a top winner. The girl said the owners had found the horses and collected them so I went away and found everyone and they said they’d been at R’s party (which I’d forgot all about) and I thought SHIIIIT because R would be mad if I didn’t go. So I sprinted off to R’s and when I got there him and M and other people were all sitting on the edge of a bed and chatting and I walked in and everyone except R were like “hey t!” and I started apologising and explaining why I was late and R wouldn’t look at me and just ignored me because he was so annoyed with me. So I stopped talking mid sentence and stood there looking at him and the others were looking like ‘dunno what’s up with him’ and I turned around and walked out.

14/11/04

There was T and I and this guy from my primary school (Cameron H) who turned into J. J was evil and he held us hostage or something… I remember being really scared and he said we could go but we weren’t allowed to take our stuff with us. So I remember looking at my bags (we must’ve been away for the weekend or something) and putting on all my favourite clothes and getting all my expensive stuff and wearing it all and trying to look like I was just grabbing a few things I needed. And I looked at T’s bag to see what he had left behind and I saw his brown shoes but remembered they were munted anyway. So we basically sprinted out the door before he changed his mind and killed us and then we were in this fair or something … there were heaps of people mulling around and T and I were weaving in between people trying to escape J. I was real scared and I kept seeing his face on lots of people. J was concocting something evil but I don’t know what.
Then I was in the sea and I followed this lady over this HUUUUUUUUUUGe wave and back again. It was freaky. Like those giant waves. And I was on my tummy coming back into shore on top of the wave and was waiting for the drop into the wave.
And THEN I was at school and it was exams next week and I realised I hadn’t actually been to any science or maths classes the whole year and I was freaking out about how I was going to pass.

29/10/04

T and I were living together - just him and I - and one day he ran into his ex girlfriend who he thought was gorgeous so wanted to catch up with her again, so she came round and I made her hair look cool and they played for a while. Then he and I left her in our house while we went to the movies and I was all hurt and grumpy and then my ex M came up to me with S and said to give him a call because he misses me. Then we were living together and I woke up alone in the morning and Tom strolled in around lunchtime and had stayed the night with her and he was all grinny and happy and jumped straight into the shower. And even though I was his girlfriend it felt like we were flatmates and he was all stoked with someone, me keeping my mouth shut and pretending to be cool. And then I saw two foxes run across the lawn and the mice eating the mice bait. Then there was some yachting with him me and her, and THEN at the end I was playing hockey against her and I hadn’t played much but I got a goal and was stoked. But she won and so she got to go home with T and live in our house with him, happily ever after and I went home with my mum and a friend in the snow to a falling down house and no heating.

11/10/04

We were at BDO at night with red fireworks and we were hanging out the back because we were there early. It was a big stadium with seats and Mike was there talking to us. I was excited.

08/10/04

Epi had a ginge chestnut foal and mum called it Gillian Sharp.

04/10/04

I wanted to get a photo printed off old negs. Was of me when I was little and my grandma I think. I took the negs to the photo shop which was in this real dark old theatre – St James. When I took it in there I couldn’t find the photo I wanted because all the pictures had changed. They were photos of my parents in the 60’s/70’s, they were staying at this old homestead on a beach with friends and it had a photo of the house, a photo of them walking along the sandy road in togs, them swimming and sunbathing, them from underneath the water swimming at the top and L and D swimming. I was telling the man at the counter I couldn’t find it and went back out to my car to get the real ones and found an old album and more negs – all these photos I hadn’t seen. But he was getting pissed off with me for not handing the pic over.

03/10/04

T and I were at S’s and the bathroom was outside. I went and was scared because I felt someone was in the bushes. Then I found a trail of $20 notes which I collected – I thought it had been laid by the scary person in the bushes as a trap. Turns out it was N’s money she had been missing – dropped out of her wallet. And I thought it was weird they had all dropped in a neat evenly-spaced line.
Then I was with T somewhere and asked him if he could drop me off at S’s for a shower before work. S came home all crazy and had hit his girlfriend. He was going mental – blabbering rubbish uncontrollably and pacing up and down - about to lose the plot again. I think I talked to him or gave him something to calm him down but I was scared. T picked me up, I motioned to him to look at S, and we left.

I wanted this round rose quartz ring which was $30 but then N from ZM who was working in the shop gave me that, plus another ring which looked like a NZ crest – gold and stood up with a horse on it - plus something else for $12.

30/09/04

I standing at an airport type glass window with some people (inc B) looking out across the water to another bit of land around the bay. It turned into team competitions at mum and dads house. On the lawn we got a red key which turned out was to a horse truck. Went to a paddock next door and did a Chestnut’s girth up. Got a clue and it told us to take the most complicated road to somewhere, but went the wrong way then down the other end of the road past G's galloping, me holding the reins of a younger person’s pony. We came across a horse truck, loaded up and G drove home as R looked through the window into the cab. I was screaming at her to slow down on the big corner. Was fine and got home. There also was a boy I’d smile at once in a while, dark hair.

29/09/04

I was losing all my teeth apart from a few at the back on each side
I lost something important and Mum and Dad had to find it.
Then I was in the sea in Gisborne, T was watching me from shore and I was swimming with my cousin N. I was asking him what the woman (ghost who had been bugging me) wanted and he said “the cards” meaning the tarot cards.

28/09/04

I was boarding with Caroline Ryan from Nightline and her husband and baby and then she went to court for this murder trial (reporting) and took me along. We saw the murder-accused was wearing a strange pink shirt so she sent me out to the Worldwide Society for Shirts to find out about it.
On my way I was walking down the beach and came across some people and asked if they knew him and they didn’t. The next people I came across were three sisters. One of them ended up being really upset he was moving back to the city and I could see she knew him somehow. Eventually she ended up confessing that he’d raped her and that no-one knew about it. It was all going on nightline and she was getting justice, and he was going to jail!

25/09/04

I slept with Busta Rhymes

21/09/04

G is back with a long hair mullet and M and I watched him do some kind of martial arts/aerobics/tai chi in the nude. Then he wanted to see me so I met him by the water and he told me he had a fiancée - his mum's friend.
He wanted me to read a book he was writing. It looked like a cross between The Da Vinci Code and something else. I remember reading the first few lines but can't remember what it said. But it had one of those brands like in the Code.
Then I had to meet M at the bus stop and all my luggage was under the park bench at the bus stand - some from months ago. One was a Winnie the Pooh suitcase and she told me off for being messy!

Sept 04

L is coming home. Then I got a text. He's in Australia